As Christian wives, we are called to love and respect our husbands, and to do so as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22, 33). What are some practical ways we can do this? What are some tangible ways we can truly love and respect our husbands in a way that is sincere and genuine?
Let’s take a look at how we can love our husbands as we seek to love God with our heart and soul.
How to Love your Husband through the Five Love Languages
In his bestselling book The Five Languages, Gary Chapman outlines five major love languages that many husbands and wives innately have. As image-bearers of God, we as people need to be loved.
Chapman observed in his many years as a pastor that in order for husbands and wives to genuinely feel loved by their spouses, they need to be loved according to their love languages.
Here is a brief description of the five love languages:
The Five Love Languages:
- Words of Affirmation-Speaking words of life and appreciation to your spouse in ways that are meaningful to them.
- Quality Time-Spending time with your spouse doing activities you can enjoy together.
- Receiving Gifts– Receiving gifts from your spouse in ways that express love, appreciation, and value.
- Acts of Service-Performing tasks for your spouse that lets them know you are thinking about them .
- Physical Touch-Engaging in physical touch in meaningful ways (hand-holding, rubbing back, etc) that communicates love to your spouse.
You can take a quiz to discover you and your husband’s primary love language by taking a quiz at the link HERE.
You can ask your husband to take the quiz to find out how you can best love and serve your husband.
What about me? I need to be loved too!
The Five Love Languages are powerful marriage principles that apply to both husbands and wives, and our husbands ought to implement the love languages that most meet our needs.
But in this post, we will focus on ways that we as wives can love and honor our husbands better.
This may seem like we are letting our husbands “off the hook” by not insisting that they love us the way we need to be loved. That is between them and God, and we can continue to pray for our husbands that they will seek godly counsel on how they can love us better.
But we as wives must make the decision to love and respect our husbands even when they don’t show love back to us. (Say what?!)
Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs calls this the Rewarded Cycle.
Our motivation to love others (in this case, our husbands), should not be so that they will love us back. Our motivation to love others should be because we love God, and desire to please him.
Paul in Ephesians 6:7-8 says it like this,
“Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does,”
In other words, when we serve, love, and respect our husbands, we are really serving God. When we love the Lord by serving our husbands, we will be rewarded for what we do.
This may not always be an immediate reward, but an eternal reward for our faithfulness and commitment to God.
I love how Emerson Eggerich says it,
**Important note** I must include that loving our husbands does NOT mean enduring physical abuse. Too many times the church has been silent on the issue of husbands using Scripture to manipulate and abuse their wives. This is not okay. If you are experiencing abuse by your husband, reach out to a trusted Christian counselor in your area. Focus on the Family has a great team of counselors who can help.
50 Ways to Love your Husband
Here are 50 ways you can love and respect your husband using the five love languages.
Love your Husband with Words of Affirmation
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.1 Thessalonians 5:11
- Write him a love letter.
- Send him an encouraging text.
- Tell him “thank you” for something you appreciate about him.
- Compliment him on his character.
- Tell him three things that you admire about him.
- Tell him “I love you” at least once today.
- Thank him for being a good father to your children.
- Share two things that you appreciate about him.
- Tell him what he is good at.
- Thank him for providing for your family.
Courtney at her blog Women Living Well has a great list of really creative ways to show love to your husband, and many of them are related to words of affirmation!
Love your Husband with Quality Time
You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.Song of Solomon 4:9
- Watch a movie together.
- Take a walk together.
- Go to a park and take a hike on a trail.
- Go to a restaurant together.
- Spend time together at a coffee shop.
- Go fishing together.
- Watch a sports game together.
- Play a board game together.
- Look at family pictures together.
- Go to a museum or botanical garden center together.
Love your Husband by giving him gifts
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.Romans 12:10
Many people may be intimidated by this love language, especially if your family is on a tight budget–but there are many inexpensive ways you can express love to your husband by showering him with gifts if this is one of his primary love languages!
- Give him a framed family photo for his office.
- Buy his favorite candy.
- Get him a new shirt.
- Buy his favorite snack.
- Pick up some takeout from his favorite restaurant.
- Buy him some coffee or tea from a coffee shop.
- Buy him a gift card from one of his favorite stores.
- Get him a new pair of socks.
- Buy him a new outfit for work.
- Buy him a book from one of his favorite authors.
Love your Husband with Acts of Service
Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.1 Peter 4:8
- Prepare his coffee in the morning.
- Make a tasty lunch for him to take to work.
- Prepare one of his favorite meals.
- Fold his laundry and put a note in one of his dresser drawers.
- Make a smoothie with his favorite fruits.
- Help him with some of the yard work.
- Make his favorite dessert.
- Rub his feet after a long day at work.
- Pray for him daily.
- Ask him what you can do to help him today.
Love your Husband with Physical Touch
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.Song of Solomon 1:2
Many people confuse the love language physical touch with sexual intimacy. Gary Chapman makes the distinction between the two.
Physical touch does not necessarily have to lead to sexual intimacy; it can be a meaningful hug, a squeeze of the hand, or other simple physical gestures that let your husband know that you care about him!
(But although physical touch does not always have to lead to sexual intimacy, husbands greatly appreciate it when it does!)
- Kiss him often.
- Hold his hand.
- Rub his head.
- Give him a back massage.
- Squeeze his shoulders.
- Hug him often.
- Stroke his face.
- Rub your hands through his hair.
- Squeeze his arm.
- Initiate physical intimacy
The Love Dare
Do you remember the movie Fireproof by the Kendrick brothers? Alex Kendrick also wrote the book The Love Dare, a powerful 40-day challenge to encourage Christian married couples to dare to love one another–even in the midst of pain and rejection. It is inspired by the movie, where the husband sought to love his wife in a difficult season in their marriage.
Here is what Alex said:
“Don’t wait until you feel like doing the right thing. Don’t wait until you feel in love with your spouse to invest in your relationship. Start pouring into your marriage and investing where your heart is supposed to be. Spend time with your spouse. Buy gifts. Write letters. Go on dates. The more you invest, the more your heart will value your relationship. This is what the Love Dare is all about—forty days of leading your heart back to loving your spouse.”
Are you in a difficult season in your marriage where all seems hopeless? Don’t give up. Dare to believe that God can do the impossible in your marriage. Dare to believe that love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8), and the power of God’s love through Christ has the power to redeem and restore all things!
Free Marriage Scripture Cards
You can download a FREE set of Scripture cards to pray for your husband as a way to love him each day!
I also received a great question from a sister in Christ about making a set of Scripture cards for husbands who truly want to pray for their wives.
So I created a set of Scripture cards for husbands that can be downloaded HERE!
I hope you enjoyed this list of ways we can love our husbands! This list will not only bless the socks off of your husband, but will enrich your own life as you seek to grow in intimacy with your husband, and with God!
Join the Prayer Challenge!
Looking for ways to go deeper in your prayer life? Join the Bold Prayers of Jesus Challenge! In this email prayer challenge you will receive a prayer guide, a prayer journal, Scripture cards, prayer prompts, and Scripture reading plan, and more!