We all as wives desire to connect with our husbands in meaningful and profound ways. One of the greatest joys in marriage is to experience a true sense of emotional and spiritual intimacy that can weather the storms of life.
But life is busy.
We get up, go to work, get the kids ready and out the door, and at the end of the day prepare to do it all over again. When we collapse into bed at night, we sometimes look at our husbands as strangers, and wonder what ever happened to that “spark” we had before “life happened.”
But there is a way to grow together as husband and wife in ways that will deepen your spiritual intimacy as a couple. It takes intentionality, but it is possible!
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What is Spiritual Intimacy in Marriage?
When most Christian couples think of spiritual intimacy, they think of “spiritual activities” like going to church, praying together, and reading a couples’ devotional.
Those are all great things to do, but spiritual intimacy in marriage can be much deeper than a list of activities to check off of our to-do list.
The marriage website Marriage Today defines spiritual intimacy as,
“a sense of unity and mutual commitment to God’s purpose for our lives and marriage, along with a respect for the special dreams of each other’s hearts. It is the greatest depth of intimacy we experience in marriage.”
This is the kind of intimacy God had in mind when he created the first marriage through Adam and Eve, declaring the vision for all other marriages to follow:
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”Genesis 2:24
This is the only time when the laws of mathematics are overridden, and 1+1=1.
Spiritual intimacy in marriage is the divine union between a husband and wife as they become one in mind, body and spirit.
Building Spiritual Intimacy in Marriage
So how can we build spiritual intimacy in our marriages when we don’t always feel “one” with our spouses? How can we cultivate an atmosphere of love and unity in the midst of our busy schedules and hectic lives?
Here are five ways we can increase spiritual intimacy in our marriages.
1. Spend Time Together
This may seem obvious, but if we do not schedule time to do activities together, we will miss out on spiritual intimacy. This scheduled time together should be just the two of you enjoying a shared hobby or activity.
It does NOT include going grocery shopping together or doing a mundane task. Find time in your schedule to do something fun that you both enjoy together.
2. Go Out for Coffee or to a Restaurant to Talk
In the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs, he explains how men often enjoy doing physical “shoulder-to-shoulder” activities as a way to connect with their wives (hiking, fishing, exercise, etc).
Women, on the other hand, appreciate “face-to-face” interactions with their husbands as a way to connect emotionally and spiritually.
Going to a coffee shop or a restaurant where most of your time is spent talking is a great way to connect with one another.
Several years ago in our marriage, I created a communication game that I called “The Love Game”, where I wrote down different questions that my husband and I could ask one another on our date nights.
It was a fun way to learn more about one another and communicate, which deepened the spiritual intimacy in our marriage.
At the end of this post you can download a free version of the game to ask questions to your husband during your date nights!
3. Communicate Each Day
In the stressful busyness of life, it can be tricky to find time to connect on a daily basis. Try to designate a time in your day, perhaps after dinner or before bed to catch up with one another and connect, even if it is only for a few minutes.
That designated time can definitely help couples feel connected and on the same page.
4. Pray Together
If you desire to pray more together as a couple, ask your husband to pray for you. If you have a specific need or request, let him know about it and ask him to pray for you right then if possible.
If you would like to pray together and don’t know where to start, you can always read a couples’ devotional and take turns reading the prayers at the end of the devotional. Kingdom Marriage Devotional by Tony Evans is a great couples devotional to start with.
5. Make Time for Sexual Intimacy
When we as married couples make intentional efforts to connect to one another emotionally and spiritually, our hearts as wives are much more prepared for physical intimacy.
Sexual intimacy is a beautiful culmination of the oneness married couples can experience. When we make conscious efforts to connect and become one as a couple, this union is the epitome of becoming “one flesh”.
Spiritual Intimacy Brings Honor to God
Taking the time to build spiritual intimacy takes work and effort, but the results are powerful and God-honoring. Loving each other and becoming unified as one is a true picture of Jesus pursuing the Bride of Christ.
When we express our deepest love and affection to our husbands, we are expressing our love, commitment and obedience to God.
As Paul referenced the very first marriage in Genesis, he pointed to the greatest union of all that we have through Christ.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church.Ephesians 5:31-32
Spiritual intimacy does not happen automatically. At times we may need help from a counselor to restore intimacy where trust has been broken.
But spiritual intimacy in marriage is possible–because with God, all things are possible!
Feel free download the free “Love Game” to deepen your marriage relationship. To play, simply print the conversation cards on cardstock and cut them out.
Mix up the cards and take turns asking one another the questions on the cards.
I also included some blank cards where you can write down your own questions to ask based on the specific categories in the game. Have fun connecting with your spouse!
Download the “Love Game” by clicking on the image below!
Join the Prayer Challenge!
Looking for ways to deepen your prayer life? Read the BOLD Prayer Challenge blog series! In this four-day blog series on prayer, you will receive a short devotional discussing how different people in the Bible prayed with boldness.
You can also download a prayer guide, Scripture reading plan, Scripture cards, bookmarks, and a Bible journaling page!